I might be biting off more than I can chew this coming year, but I’ve decided to set several New Year’s resolutions, so here they are:

• Expand my culinary skills past the “pasta in a box” level.
• Be more interested in what other people have to say.  Or get better at pretending to be more interested in what other people have to say.  I blame Steve Jobs and the invention of the iphone for this one.  I don’t care if it’s “too soon.”
• Finish books more often.  I don’t need a resolution to read more.  I read plenty.  I love to read.  Starting books?  My specialty.  Really, I can’t do it enough.  Staying interested long enough to finish those same books? Not so much.  So this year, I vow to finish more books (unless they suck)
• Blame other people for my problems a little less.  I’ll be the first to admit that whenever things don’t go the way I want, I’m the first to point the finger at anyone or anything but me.  I’m not sure why I instinctively do this, but I’m assuming it has something to do with my childhood and the way my mother raised me.
• Eat less dairy.  This is more for personal reasons that I’d rather not share.
• Take my contacts out before I sleep.  Actually, the feeling of having contact lenses stuck to my dry eyes in the morning is nowhere near as terrifying as the dramatic reactions I get from people when I tell them I leave my contacts in for weeks at a time.
• Stop wasting time making fun of the Kardashians.  Seriously, let’s all agree to this one.
• Give up on the Nancy Kerrigan impression.  Nobody gets it and the ones who do don’t appreciate it.  (If you’re wondering, it’s just a lot of grabbing my leg and crying out “Whyyyyyy?”)
• Remember when it’s August 28th.  My mom’s birthday is August 28th.  I remember it, I know it well.  The problem is, I don’t ever remember that it’s August 28th when it just so happens to be August 28th.  So the goal is not to remember her birthday this year, it’s to remember the date itself.
• Talk less.  Write more.  My weakness in writing is the whole “writing” part.  I could throw ideas at somebody all day, I can tweet jokes until my thumbs fall off, and believe me, I’ve already written my memoir in my head about a dozen times over, but when it comes to putting the pen to paper and actually creating something, I’m more likely to finish a book.  So this year, I’m going to actually give some of my creative ideas a chance, even the more questionable ones, like my webseries about the wild adventures of a mannequin head.
• Be more honest with myself and others.  That doesn’t mean I’m going to spell out for you why exactly I need to cut back on the dairy.  Come on, we’re all adults here.
• Be a little more consistent with returning phone calls.  I’m usually way too busy to return anybody’s calls and because I wrote that last resolution about being honest, I feel obligated to tell you that by “too busy” I mean “probably sleeping.” 

….and finally the most important resolution of all:

• Be a better person.  Seriously.  Whatever that means, some way, somehow, I’m going to be a better person in 2012 than I was in 2011.  For the record, this is the year that I gave a homeless man my leftover burrito because I didn’t feel like carrying it around the rest of the night, so I’ve got my work cut out for me.